Happy Birthday Ben!

Ben's birthday was yesterday. We had such a nice time. 2 years old - he's such a mess! He's talking much more & is rough & loud when he plays. I love him so much! Being a mother is absolutely marvelous! Everything is so big & exciting to him!

We celebrate on the outside, but I do not feel happy inside. I feel like we are just going through the motions these days. I'm trying to do my part but I feel like Jeff is avoiding me - like he's pulling away. I'm not sure if I'm not showing enough faith or if this is what fate has dealt us. Jeff is still having difficulties with the seizures.

Last night at the Elder's Quorum pool party, Jeff dove off the high dive & apparently it jarred him to where he was "out of it" for a few minutes.

Jun 14th - The last one seemed to be a result of him "forgetting" his medication, it seems he was "dazed" at the ball game last week.

May 17th - He had left his medication at home when he went sailing with Norman in Jackson, MS. Norman said he thought Jeff had one then, too.

The Dilantin seems to control it because all the others happened before he started taking it. I've been keeping a log per doctor's orders.

March 22nd - while we were eating lunch after he'd helped Tony move the tiller/lawn mower.

March 20th - we were in the car & he almost rear ended a car at a stoplight & was incoherent for a bit.

March 9th - On the way home from the airport when we came home from the State Gymnastics meet.

There doesn't seem to be a pattern except that his behavior is similar with each seizure. There is a blank stare or daze, he smacks his lips, & then incoherent answers to questions when he starts to come around. Although they seem to last forever, I doubt they last any longer than 3-5 minutes & afterwards he's a bit disbelieving because he has no recollection of them. He says he never felt any different except once or twice complained of a headache.

The first three happened before he started the medication. The next two he had "forgotten" the Dilantin & the last we assume was a result of the impact of the water when he dove off the high dive because he had taken the medication the night before.

I am extremely frustrated. Jeff refuses to talk about it & forbids me to discuss it with anyone. He's afraid people won't understand it & treat him like a freak. And if anyone hears the word "seizure" they think "Epileptic." That may very well be true but I'm beginning to think that this is an unhealthy way to deal with the situation. I just want to be realistic & discuss all the possibilities so I won't be surprised if things don't get better as we hope they will. I think it is childish to pretend there isn't a problem. Pretending it isn't there will not make it go away! It may or may not clear up, but either case, it may take quite some time before we'll know for sure.

Jeff seems bitter & withdrawn. I understand that he feels the added responsibility of the head of the home & family. This has really put a dent in his ego or pride. He feels like an invalid when I insist on driving. It's almost degrading to him to be dependent on the medication & others for transportation. It's quite impossible for me to help him with those feelings if he refuses to talk about it.

The Bishop suggested Jeff receive another blessing. He said that healing blessings need to be specific. Jeff was administered to in the hospital & I'd hate for the Lord to think that we didn't have enough faith in the priesthood by suggesting another one. There may be a reason the Lord has allowed this whole experience? I don't actually feel that my prayers have been answered yet but I know the Lord hears me & is letting me get a grip on myself so I can be receptive to His answer. I'm comforted to know that I'm trying to live the gospel & do the things the Lord has asked me to do & by doing so, I know that the Lord will not let me down. And whatever the outcome is, Heavenly Father will help us to understand it & deal with it. Even if this problem does not go away, Heavenly Father will help us overcome it as a difficulty & endure all things.

The Accident

In February, I turned 25...gee that sounds old! I remember how happy I was feeling & so pleased with my family...everything seemed so right with the world! And then, February 24, 1980...Jeff was in a car accident.

He was heading to the courts to play racquet ball. He said he remembers that the racquet had fallen off the seat next to him & he reached for it...& that is all he remembered. The police report said that when they came upon the scene Jeff was locked in the car, in the driver's seat & it appeared that he was having a seizure. They had to break the car window to get to him. He was taken by ambulance to the hospital where it was determined that he had suffered a concussion. After a few hours he was released & we were told to just watch him closely for headaches, dizziness, & other side affects of a concussion.

Winston & Johnnie were there to take us home, but first they wanted to try to find our car to see how bad the damages were, so we headed downtown to the storage yard where they towed the car. On the way, Jeff had a grand mal seizure right there with me in the backseat of the Carter's station wagon. It was the scariest thing I've ever experienced. His face twisted & his body jerked - it was horrible for me to see because I couldn't bear the thought of him out of control like that & there was nothing I could do. I pulled Jeff close to me & tried to hold him. I yelled for Winston to pull over & give him a blessing...it was the only thing I could think of to do. As Winston pulled over & reached across the front seat to give Jeff a blessing, Jeff went from rigid to limp & began to vomit in my lap. We went straight back to the hospital were they did an EEG & a CAT Scan & admitted him to ICU for close monitoring & observation. More tests would follow.

As it turned out, Jeff was put on Dilantin, a medication that prevents seizure activity because he was having "partial spasmatic seizures" which were more like little day dreaming episodes or spells of confusion. The medication controls it & the doctor says he should take it at least 6 months until he has time to adjust after the trauma. Of course, my imagination went wild & even still I kept thinking of that awful seizure I saw & I prayed that it never happened again!

Jeff refuses to take the medication. He hates to talk about it & he gets mad if I ask questions. He doesn't realize that I'm only trying to understand & deal with it. If I don't talk about it then I imagine the worst & I look for the worst. He thinks I'm being pessimistic & morbid. His attitude is upsetting to me & I'm having a hard time dealing with the situation. He insists on driving which scares me to death! He doesn't want to be dependent on the medication. It's possible that if it doesn't clear up, it may keep him from being a doctor. That would destroy him! I'm so afraid he won't be happy. Maybe I am being pessimistic? I guess I should exercise more faith...surely the Lord will help this heal if we do our part? Am I trying hard enough to do the things I should?

It's a GIRL!

I was so very glad to have this baby! I was so miserable most of December & January. I thought I was gonna deliver around Christmas but SHE held out until January 20, 1980! We named her Jennifer Jill & we call her Jill or JJ. She looks a lot like Ben did & she was so BIG - 10 lbs 8 oz & 22 1/2 inches long!

Mom came out for a whole week to help & she was wonderful. Ben didn't pay much attention to Jill at first, then he felt a little left out & now he's a little rough when he plays with her & he's very protective of her! He really gets upset when an unfamiliar face plays or talks to her. I think she's wonderful! I thought little boys were great - well little girls are just as neat! I feel so lucky to be blessed with two beautiful, healthy babies!

Jill's blessing gown was made from left over fabric from my wedding dress. I smocked the front & mom put it together for me while she was here...

Our First Home!

We bought our first home in May 1979, in the same neighborhood that Jeff grew up in! It's a small (816 sq ft) single family home built in 1951. It has 2 bedrooms & 1 bathroom across the back of the house & an open living room/dining room with a tiny kitchen across the front.  The kitchen doesn't even have a stove or a refrigerator! A friend loaned us an old icebox that keeps things cool but it doesn't freeze ice well & milk spoils quickly.  I am very pleased with it, though, it's a cute little house! It even has a detached garage!

989 Bonnie St, Memphis, TN 38122

Of course, this puts us on a very tight budget! The house payment along with the car payment (we had to buy a new car because the Pinto died. You can see our Toyota Celica in this photo.) puts a strain on things & we are learning to budget. We have to make a shopping list to avoid buying unnecessary items at the grocery store & I've had to make out the week's menu & pretty much stick to it - which seems to have helped me get dinner on the table everynight without too much panic.

I am not a fan of cooking & cleaning & I do not seem to be gifted with domestic talents. I feel like I have been very blessed with other talents that enables me to work with young girls in gymnastics. That brings me loads of satisfaction & a feeling of success. It helps to make me feel special because not very many people have talents like mine...I just wish it was more important to the success & happiness of one's family. I am trying to improve my domestic skills by making a valiant effort.

Ben keeps things lively - he's trying to communicate more but he's not saying a whole lot. He loves to play with his grandaddy & dad. His little personality develops more each day. I'm anxious to have his little brother/sister for him to play with. We are expecting another baby in January (the reason for the new house). Although we are looking forward to the new baby, Jeff & I aren't agreeing on any names at all! He doesn't like anything accept "Jill" for a girl. I like several names - these are my favorite:
1- Jennifer Jill Carter (call her Jill - Jennifer is just to give her a middle name only I like the sound of Jennifer Jill better than Jill Jennifer.)
2- Kelsea Linn Carter (call her Kelsea - although Jeff liked Kai when we were expecting Ben, he decided it was too far out there. He's not crazy about Kelsea.)
3- Tyler Glen Carter (call him Ty - Glen is for my mom Glen-da. Jeff doesn't like either.)
4- Colby Glen Carter (call him Colby - Jeff doesn't like this one either.)

At least it's a switch~ With Ben we couldn't agree on any girl names & now we can't agree on any boy names so maybe we'll have a girl this time? It really doesn't matter although I do hope there's a little girl spirit waiting to come to our little family someday. She's really gonna be special to her mommy! I hope they'll be a few more children after this next one, too!

It's been a busy year...

We took Ben to California for Uncle Dennis' wedding & to meet my family. The visit was too short! Next time we will have to stay longer. Of course everyone thought Benny was just precious & of course he is! Dennis & Kathy were married on our anniversary one year later! Ben was a good sport as he was passed around from person to person.

Dennis Lee Harwell & Kathy A Winklepleck
August 12, 1978

Uncle Al & Granny Cowell

Aunt Audrey & Uncle Charlie

While we were in California, we also took the time to drive down to LA to meet Uncle Tim on his P-Day. He was serving his mission in the Arcadia California Mission...we met him for lunch & a little hike up a nearby creek.

We settled into a routine once we got back home. Jeff got a full time position at Baptist Hospital & is going to school nights. He wasn't happy with his MCAT scores so he decided to retake the tests. We were in a pretty good position to take our time about medical school with his new hospital job. The experience is invaluable & the money sure is nice, too! It looks like insurance is going to reimburse us for Dr Kline ($500) & the hospital room ($184.20) - that's a big relief!

Jeff has been working Sundays & with the rainy weather, I've been using that as an excuse not to go to my meetings. It's hard to motivate myself to go alone & sit in the foyer with a fussy baby. I'm also struggling with Relief Society & Visiting Teaching & I feel guilty about that. I feel like it would be easier if there were younger sisters my age that I could relate to...but I know that is just an excuse. The Lord has told us that the program has a lot to offer me, so that is all the motivation I need to keep going.

I can't seem to convince my gymnastics friends that I don't want a career coaching, it's just a hobby & my family is the most important thing to me but they keep pulling me away from valuable family time! I feel as if I'm doing a mediocre job at coaching & being a wife/mother - both areas suffering. Maybe I can't seem to convince myself I don't want a coaching career? I am a little fickled about it - some days I feel domestic & would like to quit coaching & other days I feel excited about the challenges coaching offers. I am committed to finish the season for the YMCA team but I hope they can find another coach after that.

I was so excited for Christmas. Mom came just in time for Carter Christmas on Christmas Eve & stayed a whole week~ it made it a lot easier to get into the Christmas Spirit to have Mom here & having a little one makes Christmas more fun! Even though Ben is a little young to enjoy it, I insisted on getting a "real" tree, a Douglas Fir because they smell so good. It was little but I loved it!

Ben & both of his grandmothers

4 generations of 1st born Carters

Ben & his BFF Dylan

It's a BOY!

HE is here! Ben Richard Carter was born on Wednesday, June 21, 1978 at 3:55am weighing 8 lbs 10 oz & 21 1/2 inches long. He has black hair & blue eyes. We are delighted it's a boy! He's so neat! It's amazing that we had a part in helping this special little person come to earth. I can just look at him & start to cry!

I went to Dr Kline on Monday the 19th of June & he said I hadn't dilated or dropped & I'd probably go into the 1st week of July! I was really disappointed. I weighed 151 lbs...so depressing! That next day, Jeff & I took his Sunday School Class (12 & 13 year olds) bowling. Jeff was having the best fame of his life - 3 strikes & a spare in the first four frames! All of a sudden, my water broke right there in the bowling alley! At first I thought I wet my pants so I went to the bathroom to see & it wouldn't stop leaking! It scared me to death! So Jeff gave me the keys to go home, change, & call the hospital for advice. They said to come in & let them check me out. So I went back & got Jeff & we left the kids "stranded" at the bowling alley! We were both surprisingly calm - we figured it was a false alarm since I hadn't had any contractions - besides, the doctor said "two more weeks." But they decided to keep me since my water had broke.

As soon as they prepped me...contractions began. Such a strange thing, the way you have no control over them! Nothing like that "time of the month" cramps at all. So inconsistent & with a terrible intensity. Your moth gets dry & you wanna barf! It seems like I wasn't making much progress. After 5 hours of labor I had only dilated 2 centimeters. I was getting discouraged & tired & I wonder if it was work it...if I would EVER go through with this ordeal again? Then they gave me some medication to help me relax & within the next hour I had dilated completely to 10 centimeters & they were letting me push. Jeff was a big help then - before that, I was irritable & didn't want him or anyone else for that matter to touch me or talk to me! Jeff was chewing on grape Bubble Yum & the smell was so strong & sickening...blah!

But now, his presence was comforting & so helpful. Once we got to the delivery room, it seemed as thought he just popped out! The first thing I noticed was that HE was a BOY! And so FAT! No wonder I'd weighed 151 lbs! He was kinda ugly, too...but then I realized, I had never seen a brand new baby & I had no idea what a newborn was supposed to look like! Of course, we both had a pretty rough night! It's a marvelous thing & the pain of labor is hard to remember now - I'd go through it a million times now that I've held that sweet boy & felt the joy of being a mommy. The miracle of life is a gift from God & I'm so grateful for our new little "miracle!"

My first impressions from Ben's Baby Book: I thought for sure that they were gonna tell me to go home. No contractions yet. The nurse said they would let me rest through the night then they would induce labor in the morning. But as soon as they prepped me - contractions began! About 6 hours of hard, uncomfortable labor - but as soon as the doctor said, "Push!" Benny popped right out! A very easy delivery & what a beautiful BOY! I never thought I could be so happy! Such a BIG thing & all that thick black hair! It's so hard to imagine, a baby of our own!

Jeff's first impressions from Ben's Baby Book: I was surprised to hear that Jen was really in labor because the doctor said the day before that it would be two more weeks. I really enjoyed the labor - watching the fetal monitor & the doctors. It never really hit me that I was going to be a father until I heard Benny's first cough when only his little head was out. He looked a lot bigger than a newborn. I guess I looked a little dumb just sitting there & gawking with my mouth open.

Waiting for Baby

Waiting to have a baby is an interesting phenomenon. You can't help but think, "Do I deserve to be a parent? To be trusted with one of my Heavenly Father's little children?" I was so excited & so unready - but could I ever be really ready? I think not! (I'm including photos of me pregnant because you can kinda see what our little apartment looks like.)

January 1978 - My baby is gonna have to learn with me. I've been lucky - I haven't gotten sick at all. My weight is doing well. The baby's really being good to me. I'm still able to work although I do get tired & my old back is acting up. Jeff is trying so hard to get a part-time job at a hospital. He really needs the experience.

It snows in Memphis!

March 1978 - Sure do wish we could decide on a name for junior! Jeff thinks we're gonna have a girl. I guess that's ok although It'd be nice to have a boy first. I sure do appreciate my older brothers! Jeff had a dream we had a boy before we ever got married. I dreamt we had a boy a few weeks ago, too...but last night I dreamt it was a girl. I'm really small to be 6 months along. & I'm carrying fairly low. Of course that doesn't mean anything! It would even be nice to have twins, but that's not too likely this time around. The baby sure is active! Never seems to stop moving. We've pretty much decided to name a boy Ben Richard Carter. "Ben" for Benny Hargis & "Richard" for my brother Dickie. But we're lost for girl names. I'd like to name her Kiki but "Kiki Carter" sounds sing-songy. I really like "Kai" - it's an Hawaiian name meaning "the sea" but Jeff isn't crazy about it. He used to date a girl named Kye. I don't wanna give her a "far-out" name, but a common name just wouldn't do either. With a last name like Carter being so common, you'd have a hard time finding her in the phone book.

Oh I wish finding a name for the baby was our only problem! We seem to be doing ok financially - Jeff has picked up all kinds of odd jobs & we're expecting $340.00 on our tax return (which should pay off Dr Kline). The measly $70.00/week I get at Goldsmith's seems to pay rent & groceries...don't ask how!? It looks like we're gonna make it.

Jeff takes the MCAT next month. It won't be long till we know if we get to be a doctor's family. I'm anxious to find out - this suspense & uncertainty is really rough! I feel optimistic now but there are times when I really worry about what we'll do if he doesn't make it? It'll surely break his heart. But what a relief it'll be to finally know!

April 1978 - Still no name for a little girl. We'd better hurry - two more months to go! We've started our Lamaze classes & Dr Kline is seeing me every two weeks now. I'm doing really well at keeping m weight down, but I'm getting terribly anxious. I feel the little one so much - you can actually see 'em kick through my clothing! It just bumps & ripples all the time. I don't mind it except when it hits my belly button - then it sends tingles in all directions. I've really been lucky - I haven't felt sick or been too awfully uncomfortable; although I do complain & whine to get Jeff's attention & sympathy.

He's been studying & working hard. School gets out in a few weeks & he took the MCAT last Saturday. He was pretty satisfied with his performance. After all, you can only do your best! So at least that is behind us. He's been doing some plumbing for Paul Tucker. Sounds like good pay. AND he finally got on at a hospital! The City of Memphis Hospital hired him as a "blood collector" (phlebotomist). He really enjoys it. It's only part time but he's hoping it will lead to bigger & better things.

My gymnastics pals are giving me a baby shower. Sure is nice of them. I'm getting so anxious. Sure will be glad not to have to work anymore...I'm getting lazy I guess.

Finger Day - Mother's Day 1978

L-R: Renee & Doris McFerrin, Mary Helen, Me & Johnnie Lou

May 1978 - We got a motorcycle! Being a one car family is tough when two people have to be at two different places at the same time! So we broke down & bought a motorcycle so he could get to where he needed to go & not leave me stranded for hours. It was only $1500.00 but we didn't have it so we had to take out a small loan to finance it. Jeff has never bought anything on credit so I actually had to co-sign on his loan because I had purchased his wedding ring on lay-a-way that showed I could make regular payments. Jeff didn't like that much, but hopefully it's a step in establishing good credit for the future.

June 1978 - Well, 2-3 weeks to go! Dr Kline has moved my due date up. No specific day, just be ready. Yesterday was my last day at Goldsmith's. The gals gave me a nursing gown & slippers for the hospital. They're all so nice to me.

This kid is kicking me to death. It must want out pretty bad. I'm starting to hurt.....back, thighs, belly, all kids of muscle cramps. At times I can't walk & at times I can't even sit or lie down. At first I thought they were contractions - but it was just my imagination. I think it'll be soon although Dr Kline says I haven't dropped any. I go again tomorrow. I've been so domestic. I'm making a quilt & crocheting. It's amazing how talented I am! We're doing the nursery (or should I say closet) in Disney Characters. My Mickey Mouse quilt is really turning out cute - I'm really proud of it. I think I've talked Jeff into naming a girl "Kai Linn Carter" - sure would be easier if it was a boy! I'm so happy & excited - I can't believe the Lord loves me this much. I have a wonderful husband & we're about to have a BABY! What a scary responsibility! Our lives will never be there same! Am I finally growing up?