It's a BOY!

HE is here! Ben Richard Carter was born on Wednesday, June 21, 1978 at 3:55am weighing 8 lbs 10 oz & 21 1/2 inches long. He has black hair & blue eyes. We are delighted it's a boy! He's so neat! It's amazing that we had a part in helping this special little person come to earth. I can just look at him & start to cry!

I went to Dr Kline on Monday the 19th of June & he said I hadn't dilated or dropped & I'd probably go into the 1st week of July! I was really disappointed. I weighed 151 lbs...so depressing! That next day, Jeff & I took his Sunday School Class (12 & 13 year olds) bowling. Jeff was having the best fame of his life - 3 strikes & a spare in the first four frames! All of a sudden, my water broke right there in the bowling alley! At first I thought I wet my pants so I went to the bathroom to see & it wouldn't stop leaking! It scared me to death! So Jeff gave me the keys to go home, change, & call the hospital for advice. They said to come in & let them check me out. So I went back & got Jeff & we left the kids "stranded" at the bowling alley! We were both surprisingly calm - we figured it was a false alarm since I hadn't had any contractions - besides, the doctor said "two more weeks." But they decided to keep me since my water had broke.

As soon as they prepped me...contractions began. Such a strange thing, the way you have no control over them! Nothing like that "time of the month" cramps at all. So inconsistent & with a terrible intensity. Your moth gets dry & you wanna barf! It seems like I wasn't making much progress. After 5 hours of labor I had only dilated 2 centimeters. I was getting discouraged & tired & I wonder if it was work it...if I would EVER go through with this ordeal again? Then they gave me some medication to help me relax & within the next hour I had dilated completely to 10 centimeters & they were letting me push. Jeff was a big help then - before that, I was irritable & didn't want him or anyone else for that matter to touch me or talk to me! Jeff was chewing on grape Bubble Yum & the smell was so strong & sickening...blah!

But now, his presence was comforting & so helpful. Once we got to the delivery room, it seemed as thought he just popped out! The first thing I noticed was that HE was a BOY! And so FAT! No wonder I'd weighed 151 lbs! He was kinda ugly, too...but then I realized, I had never seen a brand new baby & I had no idea what a newborn was supposed to look like! Of course, we both had a pretty rough night! It's a marvelous thing & the pain of labor is hard to remember now - I'd go through it a million times now that I've held that sweet boy & felt the joy of being a mommy. The miracle of life is a gift from God & I'm so grateful for our new little "miracle!"

My first impressions from Ben's Baby Book: I thought for sure that they were gonna tell me to go home. No contractions yet. The nurse said they would let me rest through the night then they would induce labor in the morning. But as soon as they prepped me - contractions began! About 6 hours of hard, uncomfortable labor - but as soon as the doctor said, "Push!" Benny popped right out! A very easy delivery & what a beautiful BOY! I never thought I could be so happy! Such a BIG thing & all that thick black hair! It's so hard to imagine, a baby of our own!

Jeff's first impressions from Ben's Baby Book: I was surprised to hear that Jen was really in labor because the doctor said the day before that it would be two more weeks. I really enjoyed the labor - watching the fetal monitor & the doctors. It never really hit me that I was going to be a father until I heard Benny's first cough when only his little head was out. He looked a lot bigger than a newborn. I guess I looked a little dumb just sitting there & gawking with my mouth open.

Waiting for Baby

Waiting to have a baby is an interesting phenomenon. You can't help but think, "Do I deserve to be a parent? To be trusted with one of my Heavenly Father's little children?" I was so excited & so unready - but could I ever be really ready? I think not! (I'm including photos of me pregnant because you can kinda see what our little apartment looks like.)

January 1978 - My baby is gonna have to learn with me. I've been lucky - I haven't gotten sick at all. My weight is doing well. The baby's really being good to me. I'm still able to work although I do get tired & my old back is acting up. Jeff is trying so hard to get a part-time job at a hospital. He really needs the experience.

It snows in Memphis!

March 1978 - Sure do wish we could decide on a name for junior! Jeff thinks we're gonna have a girl. I guess that's ok although It'd be nice to have a boy first. I sure do appreciate my older brothers! Jeff had a dream we had a boy before we ever got married. I dreamt we had a boy a few weeks ago, too...but last night I dreamt it was a girl. I'm really small to be 6 months along. & I'm carrying fairly low. Of course that doesn't mean anything! It would even be nice to have twins, but that's not too likely this time around. The baby sure is active! Never seems to stop moving. We've pretty much decided to name a boy Ben Richard Carter. "Ben" for Benny Hargis & "Richard" for my brother Dickie. But we're lost for girl names. I'd like to name her Kiki but "Kiki Carter" sounds sing-songy. I really like "Kai" - it's an Hawaiian name meaning "the sea" but Jeff isn't crazy about it. He used to date a girl named Kye. I don't wanna give her a "far-out" name, but a common name just wouldn't do either. With a last name like Carter being so common, you'd have a hard time finding her in the phone book.

Oh I wish finding a name for the baby was our only problem! We seem to be doing ok financially - Jeff has picked up all kinds of odd jobs & we're expecting $340.00 on our tax return (which should pay off Dr Kline). The measly $70.00/week I get at Goldsmith's seems to pay rent & groceries...don't ask how!? It looks like we're gonna make it.

Jeff takes the MCAT next month. It won't be long till we know if we get to be a doctor's family. I'm anxious to find out - this suspense & uncertainty is really rough! I feel optimistic now but there are times when I really worry about what we'll do if he doesn't make it? It'll surely break his heart. But what a relief it'll be to finally know!

April 1978 - Still no name for a little girl. We'd better hurry - two more months to go! We've started our Lamaze classes & Dr Kline is seeing me every two weeks now. I'm doing really well at keeping m weight down, but I'm getting terribly anxious. I feel the little one so much - you can actually see 'em kick through my clothing! It just bumps & ripples all the time. I don't mind it except when it hits my belly button - then it sends tingles in all directions. I've really been lucky - I haven't felt sick or been too awfully uncomfortable; although I do complain & whine to get Jeff's attention & sympathy.

He's been studying & working hard. School gets out in a few weeks & he took the MCAT last Saturday. He was pretty satisfied with his performance. After all, you can only do your best! So at least that is behind us. He's been doing some plumbing for Paul Tucker. Sounds like good pay. AND he finally got on at a hospital! The City of Memphis Hospital hired him as a "blood collector" (phlebotomist). He really enjoys it. It's only part time but he's hoping it will lead to bigger & better things.

My gymnastics pals are giving me a baby shower. Sure is nice of them. I'm getting so anxious. Sure will be glad not to have to work anymore...I'm getting lazy I guess.

Finger Day - Mother's Day 1978

L-R: Renee & Doris McFerrin, Mary Helen, Me & Johnnie Lou

May 1978 - We got a motorcycle! Being a one car family is tough when two people have to be at two different places at the same time! So we broke down & bought a motorcycle so he could get to where he needed to go & not leave me stranded for hours. It was only $1500.00 but we didn't have it so we had to take out a small loan to finance it. Jeff has never bought anything on credit so I actually had to co-sign on his loan because I had purchased his wedding ring on lay-a-way that showed I could make regular payments. Jeff didn't like that much, but hopefully it's a step in establishing good credit for the future.

June 1978 - Well, 2-3 weeks to go! Dr Kline has moved my due date up. No specific day, just be ready. Yesterday was my last day at Goldsmith's. The gals gave me a nursing gown & slippers for the hospital. They're all so nice to me.

This kid is kicking me to death. It must want out pretty bad. I'm starting to hurt.....back, thighs, belly, all kids of muscle cramps. At times I can't walk & at times I can't even sit or lie down. At first I thought they were contractions - but it was just my imagination. I think it'll be soon although Dr Kline says I haven't dropped any. I go again tomorrow. I've been so domestic. I'm making a quilt & crocheting. It's amazing how talented I am! We're doing the nursery (or should I say closet) in Disney Characters. My Mickey Mouse quilt is really turning out cute - I'm really proud of it. I think I've talked Jeff into naming a girl "Kai Linn Carter" - sure would be easier if it was a boy! I'm so happy & excited - I can't believe the Lord loves me this much. I have a wonderful husband & we're about to have a BABY! What a scary responsibility! Our lives will never be there same! Am I finally growing up?

Sadie, Sadie, Married Lady

Well, I'm really married! I missed home already but it's been fun here so far. We were busy running around getting some furniture, unpacking, etc. With money running low, I had to find a job. I started teaching gymnastics at the YMCA & I got a job at Goldsmith's Department Store as an "extra" for the holidays. An "extra" just means that I float around to which ever department I'm needed most. They kept putting me in the men's accessories department; men's cologne, ties, belts, wallets, etc. I think men want a female's opinion when it comes to these items, especially colognes & ties. I also spent a lot of time in linens (where I learned how to fold & re-package fitted sheets) & gift wrapping (I wrapped a lot of packages for the holidays).

Jeff started school & he studied his tail off! I worried about him but what ever happened, I hoped we wouldn't have to stay here too long...it's just too far away from home! The plan was for him to get his undergraduate at Memphis State & then apply to medical school. It's a long road ahead, but Jeff was focussed & determined.

When Thanksgiving came around & we found something to be thankful for...we were expecting - June 27th! It was hard to believe - me a mommy! We could hardly wait! We were both very excited. I hoped I could be as good a mom as my mom is! I didn't have any symptoms other than I skipped my time of the month & I was gaining weight. I went to the Health Center at MSU to take a pregnancy test but had to go to work so Jeff brought the results to me at work...

Thanksgiving was actually kind of a drag. We ate at the Carter's. They sawed the turkey in half so not to waste it & saved the other half for Christmas. It sure looked weird not to have a fully stuffed & dressed bird on the table. It really made me homesick.

I wasn't looking forward to Christmas. It was going to be simple because money was low, but let's face it, it just wasn't going to be the same without family...

Memphis Open House

Johnnie Lou was totally in charge of the Open House in Memphis. It was held in our Relief Society room at the St Elmo building.  (In old school scrapbooking style, I cut up these photos for our Wedding Album & glued them in pretty good so these pages will have to do.)

I was happy to see that Johnnie had chosen yellow to decorate with, evidently it's one of her favorite colors, too. She wanted me to wear my wedding dress & Jeff just wore his church suit. She had friends from our church help her decorate, another friend made a bouquet for me out of silk flowers, & another friend made a delicious wedding cake! It was a carrot cake. I don't remember ever having it before, but it truly was delicious! She asked Tim's girlfriend, Nancy Walton, & Jeff's cousin, Renee McFerrin help serve. It was a small event, mostly family & a few church friends, & I was really nervous to meet everyone...

I was really happy that Mom flew out for the open house. She took a few days afterwards to visit her family in Missouri. It was fun to watch her with her favorite cousins & talk about her younger years. She was so animated & more alive than I had ever seen her being in her old stompin' grounds...

Mom's cousin, Doris - Aunt Buelah's daughter

This may be my favorite picture from the evening. These guys all grew up together. Although they all went to different high schools, they ran around scouts & mutual together. They were good buddies growing up. We were all married this same year & lived in married student housing together. We were all pregnant at the same time with our first babies. It was a fun time to have such good friends to hang out with...

L-R: Arlene & Mike Kennedy, Paul & Heather Tucker, Me & Jeff

Honeymoon

We took the Coastal Hwy (Hwy 1) all the way from Pasa Robles to San Francisco!

We drove through Carmel and the 17 mile Drive...

...through Monterey Bay & we stopped in Santa Cruz to visit my cheerleading pals at UCSC & of course to ride the Big Dipper roller coaster on the Santa Cruz Boardwalk!

Then on to Kiki's in Menlo Atherton. We stayed there for two nights & went into the City...

We ate at the Fish Market in Palo Alto before starting our long trip home bright & early the next day...

I remember hearing on the radio as we started out that Elvis had died. Jeff said, "Oh man, Memphis will be a mess when we get home." Elvis' home, Graceland, is in South Memphis near the Mississippi border.

We decided to swing by Mom's & take I-40 all the way into Memphis. We stayed at Karen's in Albuquerque & then a motel outside of Russelville. On Saturday, the 20th of August 1977, we drove across the Memphis Bridge & spent our first night in our new home...988 Buford Ellington Dr West. It was a tiny apartment at Memphis State's married student housing. Our good friends, Barry & Renna Johnson lived right next door. It was affordable & convenient. We didn't have much but we had each other...

The Reception

We thanked everyone for coming to the sealing; my escorts Brent & Rita Richards, Jeff's parents, Jim Blaser, Darrell Richards, Stanford Durrant, Ralph & Linda Bigler (my 7th grade teacher & his wife), and Don & Abby McCrary...along with other friends who were actually in the endowment session but attended my friend Steven Sorenson's sealing to his wife, Donna, in another room at the same time. It was late & I was starving!

We hadn't made arrangements to stay anywhere, so we just started driving. Everything that we passed said "no-vacancy" so we just kept driving...all the way to Santa Monica...Malibu...still nothing! We finally stopped at a Jack-in-the-box on Hwy 1 in Malibu. We decided to head back to Bakersfield through Thousand Oaks/Simi Valley, still looking until we found a Heritage Motel in Sherman Oaks. We spent our wedding night in a sketchy motel - exhausted!

The following morning we went home & got ready for our reception at the Hockey Hauler Ranch. Mom & I didn't have a clue about planning a wedding so we had asked Bonnie Hargis for advice. We didn't have money for a venue so Bonnie offered her back yard. We couldn't afford to feed people so we decided to keep it simple with cake & punch...but we served it in a fancy drink fountain & there was a fountain underneath my cake! So fancy! Bonnie said she'd like to contribute & offered to make a couple of water melon fruit bowls. Mom paid $50 for our friend's band to come & play so we could dance. The was some concerns about the guys renting tuxes, the Carter's just wanted the guys to wear their church suits - the problem was, none of my side of the family went to church nor owned a suit! So Dennis scored a good deal on the tux rentals through a softball buddy & I chose baby blue with a yellow rose boutineer...my bridesmaids held a yellow rose.

I was VERY disappointed with our photographer. He was super expensive, but I was told to invest in the photos because this is where you will remember your special day. He was late, so people were showing up as he is starting to take photos & by the time he finished, the lighting was so poor. The photos are out of focus & the color has faded through the years. But after all is said & done, I'm still married...

Even though the quality of these pix aren't great - I love the way Mom is looking at me...she's hopeful for me & happy to be my mom.

L-R: Cindi Hargis, Lorrie Hargis, Donna Greer, Kiki Mulliner, Carol Churchwell & Michelle Harney, flower girl...
Me & Jeff, Jim Blaser, Tim Carter, Tony Carter, Terry Harwell, Dennis Harwell, Darin Hargis

Mom, Me, Jeff, Terry & Dennis

Granny Cowell, Me & G'pa 

Dad gave me a $2.00 Bill right before this was taken & told me it was good luck. He said to keep it in my wallet so I will always have money...it is still in my wallet.

Dad, Nell, Me & Jeff, Terry & Dennis

The Carters - Tony, Tim, Me & Jeff, Johnnie & Winston

The Hargis'- Cindi, Lorrie, Bonnie, Me & Jeff, Ben, Darin

People were generous...

The Band - Billy Joe Sheets & friends

Everyone seemed to have fun dancing. It was a nice little party & people were generous...until my Uncle Tom got carried away & decided to throw me & Jeff into the swimming pool! No pictures to prove it, but the chlorine discolored my dress & I'm not sure Jeff's tux was totally dried out when they returned it the next day.

We spent that night at John & Deber's...the next night at Bonnie & Ben's...& our last night in Bakersfield at Mom's. We were packed & ready for our HONEYMOON!

Wedding Day

12 August 1977 

We left Bakersfield about 9:00am. My brother, Terry, was kind enough to lend us his little car - a Datsun 260 Z - we were traveling in style. I had to stop at Payless to pick up my paycheck so we'd have some cash, then we were on our way to L.A. It was a nice drive, it didn't seem too long. I enjoyed it & I gave Jeff the basic "tour guide" routine, thinking to myself how beautiful southern California really was & how sad it was that I had to leave. Who knows when I'd ever get to see the Grapevine, Ventura Hwy, & Magic Mountain, again?

We got to L.A. in plenty of time& we didn't have to be at the temple until 3:45pm so we stopped by the Deseret Bookstore in the Northridge Mall. I wanted to pick up an LDS Wedding Book. We still had plenty of time so we went to UCLA & looked around. It was impressive & Jeff thought how neat it would be to be able to go to medical school here! Noon time we went to McDonald's & took our Big Macs & ate in the car in the Temple parking lot. I remember how big it seemed & wondered what I was gonna find inside.

After we ate, we took a tour of the temple grounds...it was beautiful! We met Kiki, Stanford, & Mom & went to the visitor's center. I couldn't help but wonder what Mom was thinking - in a few short hours I was gonna be married to this young man she hardly knew in a place which she wasn't allowed...all so very strange & unfamiliar to her. Then we met Jeff's folks & Brent & Rita...it was time to go...I was so scared!

The temple session finally starts - I was so glad! I was finally relaxed! Thank goodness for Darrell's mom, Rita Richards, for holding my hand through the process. She was my escort. Getting dressed, my mind wanted me to get out - I was petrified, but the initiatories calmed me & the washing & anointing fascinated me & I knew then that I was doing what the Lord wanted me to do! Nothing new was revealed...only the pure and simple consistent gospel reinforced in an eternal perspective. We were married for-ever. The best thing that's ever happened to me! 

After our sealing, we did some proxy sealing for some of Jeff's ancestors - what a neat feeling! Then I rushed out to the lobby where Mom & Kiki were. I was so happy! Kiki assured me that Mom did great and really seemed to understand...

Mrs. Jeffrey Lynn Carter - for time & all eternity. It's too good to be true!